Updated: Nov 5, 2018
A while ago I was talking with one of my girls about men, of course. Whenever you see a minimum of two women conversing with one another, there’s a 75% chance that they’re talking about men. The remaining 25% is dedicated to other things that are important to us, like our families, our careers/interests, and figuring out what we’re about to eat. But generally, men give us the most to talk about.
Anyway, my girl and I were discussing how weird guys are. Like how one minute they’re flirting, calling and texting you nonstop and the next minute they wanna act like Squeak from The Color Purple: “Harpo, who ‘dis woman?” The texts and phone calls slowly start to diminish, and all the excuses as to why dude suddenly went ghost on you begin to manifest. This usually results in us women analyzing, reanalyzing and overanalyzing the situation, trying to figure out what the heck went wrong. Then we hop on the phone with one of our girls to rant, vent and confirm that we’re not being crazy — even though we low-key kind of are being crazy. But there’s a formula to this: wherever a man lacks consistency, a woman has some crazy to make up for it. It’s not necessarily on purpose, we’re just emotionally hardwired that way. Y’all get inconsistent, we get a lil’ cray cray.
But on the flip, women (and this goes for me as well) gotta learn to stop reading so deeply into things and start taking a dude’s actions — or lack thereof — for exactly what they are: He’s just not that into you, baby girl. And that’s absolutely, positively OK. Because there’s no need to convince a man that you’re worthy of his time, affection and attention. If a guy likes you, his actions will reflect it. And if he doesn’t, don’t take it personal (and this especially goes for me). One thing I’m learning is that everyone ain’t for everybody. So if a man isn’t showing a sincere interest in getting to know you, it doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with you — you just may not be “the one” he’s looking for. Or, he may be a commitment-phobe. Or, a narcissistic douche bag. Whatever it is, at some point you gotta get up out of your feels and keep it moving, sis. It may be a tough chill pill to swallow, but it be like that sometimes.
I’ve hung out with more than enough guys to know that men are not good verbal communicators; they communicate more so through their actions. On the other hand, women are verbal; we communicate with our words. So even if we can tell a guy isn’t interested, we literally want to hear him say it for verbal confirmation and closure. But in all actuality, a man’s actions will tell a woman everything she wants or needs to know in regards to how he feels about her.
With that being said, here are five ways I know for sure that a guy isn’t genuinely interested in me:
He doesn’t make any effort to hang out. Y’all might text here and there. Might’ve even hung out once or twice in the past. But if he isn’t putting forth any real initiative to spend time with you, nine times out of ten he’s not really interested. Men generally go after what they want; so if he’s not actively pursuing you, he don’t want you, boo boo.
Communication is limited. If you’re not texting/calling him first, y’all most likely ain’t talking. You might ask him how his day is going, and he’ll either a) give a very curt response to cut the conversation short; b) take the entire day to respond (before proceeding to give a very curt response to cut the conversation short); or c) not respond at all. Which segues to my next point.
The excuses are limitless. Dude been pulling out every excuse in the book as to why he’s being unresponsive: “My phone was dead” or “I wasn’t near my phone” or my all-time favorite (aka pet peeve), “I’ve been busy.” Here’s the thing: If a dude is interested in you, he’s never too busy. Now that doesn’t mean bruh man just ’bout to be answering your every beckoning call, because he does have a life. But if there’s space and opportunity for him to spend time or check in with you — even if it’s just for five minutes — he’ll do that…if he’s really feeling you, that is.
He gives hella mixed signals. One minute he’s flirting with you heavy, the next minute he has emotional amnesia. He keeps saying he wants to hang out with you, but never sets a date. It’s confusing, frustrating and annoying, but we gotta stop wasting our precious time on these dudes who give false hope and save it for someone who doesn’t get a kick out of playing with our emotions.
The roles are reversed. You’ve become the predator chasing the prey. But in all actuality, you’re the catch. And because you’re a beautiful, hardworking sista who has her ish together, you already know this. That’s why the fact that this dude isn’t checking for you is so mind-boggling. But you can’t force a man to chase you, sis. This ain’t duck, duck, goose. You can’t just tap him and expect dude to come running after you full-force. Because if he already sees you and likes what he sees, you won’t even have to tag him into the game. He’ll come at you correct and he’ll play his cards right.
Moral of the story: Just because a guy isn’t interested in you doesn’t mean that you’re not beautiful, smart and deserving of love. It just means there’s someone better out there who’s worthy of everything you have to offer because he will unquestionably recognize and appreciate your worth.