It's crazy how much your life and perspective on life can change in only a year. Looking back on where I was a year ago, you would've thought I was a completely different person. Actually, I was a different person. I had baggage that needed to be checked and things that needed to be released. Not just in terms of my circumstances and relationships, but internally.
During one of my first therapy sessions at the beginning of this year, my therapist asked me to describe myself in a few words. One of the adjectives I used was "fragile" because that's honestly how I had been feeling: anxious, scatter-brained and emotionally unstable. Fragile. It was like I was walking on eggshells with myself. Like I had no solid foundation.
So my primary focus for 2018 was building myself up, brick by brick. I realized that in order for me to accomplish what God placed me on this Earth to do, I needed to have a solid foundation. As with any other type of construction, the foundation needed to be laid first.
So I prayed over the areas of my life that needed "renovating" and asked God for clarity and growth in those areas. I wrote out a list of challenges I would pose to myself each month (i.e. no Instagram, journaling everyday, no meat/dairy or dating, no drinking, etc.) to help me hone in on the things about myself that needed reworking. Each challenge stretched me to a new level of consciousness, consistency and commitment to myself. Some were more difficult than others, and some will be rolled over into the New Year along with a new set of challenges (if you'd like to join me, stay tuned for my next post). But what I really gained from doing all of this was a higher level of self-control, self-awareness and self-sufficiency. Of course there's still plenty of work to be done, but I thank God for the significant progress I've made over this past year.
It's funny. Every year around this time, I see folk making announcements about all the people and things in their lives that they're "cutting off" before the New Year. But for me it's like, what is it about MYSELF that I need to cut off and clean up so that I can have room to attract the right people and opportunities into my life? 'Cause I know once that happens, the negative people and energy will dissolve all on their own, with no extra effort needed on my part.
This year taught me about how to stop playing the victim and start positioning myself to be victorious. It taught me about the beauty of being authentically and unapologetically me, and the freedom that comes with not seeking or relying on the approval of others. It taught me how to set boundaries: how to love myself enough to know how to love others, whether it's up close or from a distance. It taught me the importance of having faith in God and God's greater purpose for my existence in this world.
And now that the groundwork has been laid, I can move forward into this next year with confidence and peace in knowing that everything will be solid, because I'm solid.